I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
