Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
