and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
