am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
