Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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