She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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