so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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