and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
