A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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