youre lurking in front of me
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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