I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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