is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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