I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
