I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
