five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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