and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
why do cheetos always look like penises
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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