Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
