I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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