so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Can Purell be used as lube?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
