peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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