Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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