Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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