i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
