Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I will pee on everything he values.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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