dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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