I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
