My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
