Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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