We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
