I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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