good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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