If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
