Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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