I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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