Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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