Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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