it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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