She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
