I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
