I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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