I hate your face
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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