They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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