If i could tip my vagina, i would.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
