I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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