This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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