Sry I called you an 8
my phone needs a breathalizer
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Randomize
