I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
