someone threw a dead crab at me
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
