Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
COCAINE IS GR8
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
