At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
