i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it glows. i had to have it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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