so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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