I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
