Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's never too late to be topless.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I didn't notice because vodka
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
