Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
