Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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