oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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