U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
