i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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