My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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